Meet Nicole Howes
If you are anything like me, you are passionate about the things you value most: your spouse, your kids, your church, your beliefs, and all of the things that most intricately make you, you. You didn’t set out to fail and at the core of who you are you have a deep desire to have a marriage and family that is unique, beautiful and thriving.
Have you reached a point in life where those ideals, goals and hopes for your family and marriage are all but a dream that does not seem possible?
Does the whirlwind of life and seemingly constant rain feel like it is going to take you under?
You may even have stories of going to get help from your church, only to be hurt more.
When you feel like nobody prepared you for the challenges, pain and heartache you would experience in this life, where do you go?
I can tell you, friend, you are not alone! To the parent who wants to see their kids thrive or the spouse who wants more for their marriage…. welcome. Life can be downright painful, confusing and hard. I am right there with you. I am not an expert, I am not a pastor or a Bible school professor. I am a mom of seven kids and a wife to my husband Tim. I am a lover of God and his incredible words. The way Jesus lived and the way he loved people, challenges me. I want to daily look more and more like him and in turn love my family in deeper ways because of his love for me. I too am in the middle of the battle of my life to love my husband well, and love my kids with everything I have. I don’t always live this life perfectly, but more than anything my hope, my goal and my prayer is to share my story with you and bring you along to strengthen you for your journey. There is so much power, healing and restoration found in coming together and living life side-by-side in a transparent way. I pray as you read, you will find hope. I pray as we interact, you will feel loved. Because after all, in life — feeling hope and experiencing love, is exactly what we all desire.
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My Family
I’m often asked, ‘What do you do for a living?’ With a little giggle, I generally reply, “I have seven kids.” So… yes, I work. I don’t collect a traditional paycheck but I understand my unique role in raising up the next generation. It’s the everyday stuff that I love doing. You know, the gut wrenching, awe inspiring, heart pounding and mundane moments you find yourself in as a mom.
I’ve been entrusted with eight kids. Seven I have given birth to and one I affectionately call our pseudo son. He’s really my brother but my mom and him have lived in our home since he was seven years old, so he’s one of our kids. Four girls and four boys. They are so unique and different in every way. Having babies and teenagers has given us a very unique opportunity to appreciate how fast it goes and how important it is to invest in
every stage of their life.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” This
verse is the crux and motivation for having those difficult conversations and lovingly doing those really hard things. My husband and I are commissioned by God to ‘raise them up.’ I don’t get a free pass nor is it an invitation to hope for the best. We have been given a huge responsibility to love these kids in a way that daily points them toward God even when I can’t see the end result.
My Story
As a little girl, my home life was very unstable and the uncertainties of life made church one of the safest, most reassuring places. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home but God pursued my heart anyways. I became a follower of Christ at the age of six when I prayed and put my faith in God on the front porch of my grandparents house. My earliest memories include various people picking me up for church, taking me to Awanas, and helping me work off money to go to camp every summer. I can remember walking to church and numerous events as a tiny little girl by myself and loving to be around people who loved God.
On June 7, 1998 just two days after graduating from high school, I married my husband Tim. We were young, undoubtedly crazy, and in love. Tim joined the Air Force active duty a few months later which meant the next six years was full of a lot of moving, a lot of time apart for deployments, and a huge time of growth. During our active duty time we lived in Bellevue, NE for four years. We were blessed with our first two kids during that time. We welcomed Caleb in 2000 and Ellie in 2002. In addition to having two kids, our household grew even larger when we decided to have some of our village live under our roof. My mom, Dori, and my little brother, Justin, seven at the time, moved in with us permanently. After the Air Force we moved closer to our hometown back in Northern Nevada and during the next seven years, God blessed us with two more kids, Lauren in 2005 and Faith in 2006.
After a series of impactful events, God pulled Tim’s heart into the field of medicine. In 2008 our family of eight began the intense
journey through medical school. Tim graduated in 2011, after which we me moved to Lexington, KY for residency in his field of emergency medicine. While in Kentucky, although we were poor as all get out and missed home deeply, God had many blessings in store. God provided for our family in the most creative and loving ways during this time. We happened to live close to an excellent Christian University and I by God’s grace, countless Starbucks Chai tea latte’s (mmm, so good), and many sleepless nights, graduated with a Bachelors degree in Leadership and Ministry in 2014. It is incredible to me how in the midst of a already busy time God planted us in a place where I could further my education and grow in so many ways. During those three years in Kentucky we were blessed again to have two more little ones, Bodie in 2011 and Asher in 2014. If you are struggling to keep up… our family now consisted of ten spirited, opinionated and ridiculously amazing people.
Upon completion of residency, we moved back home to Northern Nevada where the fairy tale was supposed to say, “and they lived happily ever after”, but I can say now after taking a small break to hysterically laugh, that is not what happened.
Our perfect marriage wasn’t perfect and I felt like a massive failure in the ‘loving my husband well’ department . The pastor of our perfect church asked us to leave and find a church in which we could trust the pastors more. Tim’s perfect job told him, “you are not a long term fit for this company” and let him go. The family that we moved close to moved far away. Our perfect son faced deep depression and struggled with wanting to end his life. Our perfect daughter had very scary and heart wrenching battles with her value and the pressures that come with living in a social media world. Despite the heartache and pain, God never abandoned us or said, “Hey, when you figure all of this stuff out and your family has it all together, then you’ll be qualified to serve me.” No, just the opposite. Instead he reminded us that he is right in the middle of every situation and works upstream to love his kids. In 2016 we welcomed our seventh baby, Margot Hope. She came during a time when our family needed a massive reminder that God sees us and he is is in the midst of every situation.
In no way does this page alone tell the whole story of the hope we have in Christ or the journey’s we have been through. Each of our lives tell an incredible story. Yours does and so does mine. Those stories may all look very different but I assure you, they all point us to Christ. I hope you can see that serving God and obeying the call he places on your life is often gritty, painful, and requires a lot of personal sacrifice but it is simultaneously beautiful. Daily, God invites us into relationship with him and asks us to trust him with the very things we hold onto so tightly. I hope you come along for our story and clearly see that we are real people with real pain, real struggles and a very real passion to help your story be the best it can possibly be.
—Nicole Howes
Fun Facts
- I love Chai Tea Lattes. Not just any chai, either. Skip that powdered stuff. It straight hurts your stomach. The correct way to order this yummy drink is — venti (large, is there any other size?), iced, nonfat milk. You can thank me in heaven.
- Exercise makes me have an allergic reaction. Every. Single. Time! Immediately, I start sweating and my body turns bright red. And… Oh, my word… I can’t breathe. I know this is a common reaction but mine is unique, therefore people like me shouldn’t exercise too much.
- I’m funny. I just wish random strangers knew that from the beginning. It would help my family and friends not feel so awkward when I blurt out things.
My Marriage
My husband Tim is going to have a special seat in heaven for putting up with me. We’ve been together for two decades and he still loves me. Enough said, right?
We were teeny boppers when we walked down the aisle. Tim knows my ugliest, most unattractive hang ups, yet he fights for my stubborn heart and seeks to understand me more and more every day. The mind-blowing thing about my husband is his uncanny ability to see potential and beauty when he looks at me. He doesn’t just see it… He calls it out and challenges me to be better and act wiser. He refuses to allow me to stay ‘stuck’ and pushes me to mature beyond what I think is possible.
He’s witnessed me deliver seven kids. The mere fact that he still thinks I’m beautiful is testament to his ability to forget the past
and never speak of the things he’s been forced to see.
Daily, I chose to love this man and I’m so thankful he chooses to love me. Every single day Tim and I make a conscious decision to honor and defend our marriage. He is not perfect… I am not perfect… but we choose each other every day, period.