Friendship is undoubtedly a gift from God and has the potential to transform our lives for better or worse. Whether you’ve walked through seasons of life-giving friendships, felt lonely or maybe you’re afraid to dive into sisterhood; this is written just for you.
Truth is… Anything beyond surface level friendship feels daunting. We all love the idea of a ‘girls day out’ and belly laughs for no good reason but, the tough stuff… that’s where it breaks down because it requires something from all of us.
Christlike friendship requires us to get into the trenches and wrestle with the hard stuff. For most of us, so much of our lives and emotional energy is spent pouring into our spouse and kids, therefore the idea of building a deep-meaningful friendship, feels overwhelming.
Writing about friendship has been so good for me personally because it’s required me to examine my own life. I’ve written down the names of women I’ve considered friends. As I’ve reflected, I’ve smiled from ear-to-ear because the impact each person has had in my life. But I’ve also teared up at the loss experienced as well.
Intimacy on an emotional level with a friend can be so difficult. I’m the most selfish person I know and sometimes I can’t see the huge discrepancies in my own life. I’m not saying this in a self-deprecating way; I’m simply acknowledging who I’ve been and how far I have to go.
Sisterhood is foreign and something I’ve never seen done really well. Much like marriage, if you are only surrounded by a bunch of divorced people or people who don’t value the gift of marriage, the idea of ‘healthy marriage’ seems out of reach. But that doesn’t give us a free pass not to change the landscape of our own relationships and help others along the way.
In Part 1, I gave examples of three friendships found in the Bible (Click here to refer to this section of part 1) that had their fair share of competition and hurt. But when I stop and peel back the layers of their friendships, I realize they are so much like you and me. God was using their everyday lives to shape and mold them into women with purpose and grit. It’s easy to immediately see everything that’s wrong with the way our sisters navigate their own stories but there’s so much beauty found right below the surface. I want to learn to be a better friend in spite of my tendency to push back and protect myself from relationship injury.
I’m the mom who has a lot of kiddos. The older my kids get, the more our conversations move toward the topic of marriage and relationships. I want my kids to develop characteristics now that will best equip them to one day be an incredible spouse and friend.
Friends are much like spouses. In order to find a great partner, we must first become a good partner.
We must first start with ourselves. We must ask ourselves, “Am I the kind of friend I would want to have?
Here are some points to consider as you examine the kind of friend you are to others, as well as the qualities we can look for in our relationships moving forward.
(Replace your name with ‘she’)
- She Is thoughtful
Thinking of others before ourselves is countercultural, I get it. But sisterhood calls us deeper, right? A good friend is thoughtful and purposefully remembers important events and special days. She’s mindful to celebrate victories, as well as weep in your darkest moments.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15
- She Is Respectful
She is respectful of time, resources, and other relationships. Often, we think more highly of ourselves than we should and fail to see the limitations and boundaries of others.
“Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Romans 12:3
- She Sees and calls Out the Best in Others
She strengthens you and sees all you are capable of. She encourages you to move forward and refuses to allow you to stay stagnant in your walk with God. She calls out your gifts and talents, and cheers you on as you use each one of them.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17
- She Is Encouraging
God wants us to breathe life into each other. We have the privilege of affirming and building our friends up and pointing them more fully toward Christ. This doesn’t mean we sugar coat hard topics or help to puff up a false sense of self, rather it’s wholeheartedly and actively pushing each other into everything God has called us to.
“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11
- She Keeps Her Word
If you say you’ll be there…show up…on time and keep your word. If you say you’ll do it… Do it.
“But whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him.” 1 John 2:5
- She Guards Her Tongue
She fiercely protects the words that come out of her mouth. She defends you to others and guards your story both privately and publicly.
“Gossip is no good! It causes hard feelings and comes between friends.” Proverbs 16:28
- She Speaks Truth
Even when it’s hard to hear something, it doesn’t mean we don’t need to hear it. Friends speak the truth and are willing to talk about both the good and bad things. She will come alongside you in the most mundane tasks of life; cheering you on to the finish line and will also steer you back toward truth when you are veering off course. She is mindful of her words and lovingly speaks truth into every area of your life.
“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26
- She Prays
She prays. A friend not only says she’ll pray for you, she prays with you. Every one of us will face seasons where we are hard pressed on all sides. Having someone to confide in and knowing she is going to petition the Lord on our behalf is beyond life giving… It’s necessary. Christ followers need sisters to confide in and be accountable to even when life doesn’t look glamorous.
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:18
- She Forgives
Forgiveness doesn’t offer a free pass out of the consequences of one’s behavior, nor does it give an all access pass back into the sacred spaces of our lives. It does however free one another to be human who all desperately need Jesus. Forgiveness isn’t earned and doesn’t come once the other person has suffered long enough for their actions. She forgives simply because God forgave her.
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:3
- She Knows Who She Is
As we talked about in part 1: Competition breeds contempt. When we don’t have our feet firmly grounded in the truth of God’s word and don’t fully walk in who He made us to be, we compete and compare ourselves to others. We are daughters of the King… She knows that to be true for herself and unashamedly reminds you the same. Together you are sisters, and coheirs of all Christ has promised.
“But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for He called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9
In a dark world, Christ centered sisterhood is precious and so valuable. We have the privilege of affirming each other. The honor of speaking truth and life into vulnerable areas. The ability to empower and encourage one another to do incredible and courageous things.
As Christians, it’s important to honor God in all of our relationships and continually point each other back to Christ.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, what is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8-9
Love you,
Nicole
