On a scale from one to ten, one being the lowest, going on an overnight date probably ranks about a two. It sounds fun, but logistically it may feel impossible. After all, there’s kids, work, money, and one hundred other things that stand in the way.
As a mom, I understand how daunting ‘getting away’ feels. You may even be saying “I don’t have anyone who can take care of my kids.” Or at least, no one that will take care of them the way I take care of them. I understand that feeling. My husband has reminded me on numerous occasions that it will be okay. The world won’t fall apart and barring an actual emergency, our kids will be okay without me. He’s also reminded me that everything may not run the way I’d like it to run, everything may not look or feel perfect, and our kids may even misbehave while we are gone. Nevertheless, that’s a small consequence compared to the many benefits your marriage will experience from an overnight date.
Going away with the sole focus being on ‘us’ has a lasting impact on our marriages and in turn creates health and vitality in our homes. Our kids directly reap the benefits. Our spouse needs our time, energy, and attention without interruption. Every once in a while, our day-to-day lives need to take a back seat. The pause button needs to be pressed and our attention needs to be laser focused. Going away for the night and changing the scenery of our everyday lives creates an atmosphere where we are intentionally investing in our future, together.
There are strong reasons why we need to prioritize time away and spend a solid twenty-four hours of undivided attention on one another. This list is certainly not exhaustive, nor does it spell out every potential benefit of getting away but, I’ll do my best. If your house is anything like ours, we have lots of people that tap on the door, interrupt our conversations, and beg for our attention.
Here are five reasons why I’m challenging you to think new thoughts about overnight dates and why all our marriages desperately need uninterrupted one on one time:
1. No Clothes. Come on now… Let’s be honest. When was the last time you were able to sleep naked with your spouse? This doesn’t easily happen when there are little kiddos crawling into your bed in the middle of the night or teenagers milling about. Curling up skin to skin is magical. Like for real, magical.
2. Because Sex. There I said it. We are all adults here and at some point in your relationship, sex was a priority. It was more than a quick ‘get it over with’ task and you wanted to please your spouse. Ladies, remember when you wanted him to think you were sexy as hell and even used your body to drive him wild? Guys, remember when you intentionally pursued her and thought of new ways you could sexually rock her world? Why did we stop?! As time goes by, sex becomes less sexy and more obligatory. But if we are honest with ourselves, we all long for good sex.
Good sex takes an intentional investment. When we put the pause button on our everyday routine and purposefully shut the door on distractions, we create an environment for uninterrupted intimacy. And all the people said amen.
3. Communication. For obvious reasons, the first two points bring connection, but what about the undeniable fact that life is hard sometimes? Dare I say, we ‘need’ time to talk through the hard stuff. So much of what we face as married couples can be ignored when day to day life allows us to shelf hard conversations. Marriages that are thriving are filled with moments of deep connection, vulnerability, and purposeful communication. And if I’m being completely honest, this is hard. So many of our overnight dates have felt like an endless argument, far from the idea of what I thought a great ‘get away’ would look like. But at the same time, when I reflect, those are the times true connection has taken place. We’ve intentionally discussed the hard stuff and those conversations have moved us toward the good stuff. We are stifling our marriage potential when we don’t prioritize time to talk.
4. Dream Together. Do you have ideas, goals, dreams? I believe we all do. But life, right?! Sometimes we are so busy ‘doing life’ that leaning into those things seems impossible. Never mind actually getting on the same page with our spouse to make those things happen. When it comes to dreaming-big and doing hard things, you will only go as far as your spouse will go with you. When it comes to setting goals, and dreaming about the future we need to be on the same page.
I’m not just talking about ‘big dreams’; it’s also the normal stuff that impacts our everyday lives. Your spouse sees things differently than you and when they are allowed to speak into the everyday things in your life, your entire family benefits. Time together, allows you to discuss things in your current routine that may need some tweaking. What are some future goals you have for your kids? Their behavior? Or how your overall home is functioning? What about career goals? Health? You name it… What are those quiet dreams you’ve never uttered out loud? These topics may not sound romantic, but I guarantee it feels dreamy when you both are moving forward together instead of individually aiming at different targets.
Overnight dates afford us the opportunity to refocus and reprioritize the important stuff. The important stuff is usually the stuff that we shove away because we think it’s impossible or unimportant, but often it’s the key to moving us into the next season of life. When we communicate our way through, our vision becomes clearer and our purpose feels less burdensome. Often, we accomplish nothing because we are too afraid of dreaming out loud. You will experience new life when you take time to dream together.
5. Remember the Important Things. When life, kids, and work collide we often forget the important things. Remember, if your marriage falls apart, everyone loses. Your kids are just passing through your home. Do you hear me? They are here today, but in a short time they will be setting out on their own adventures, without you. You and your spouse are the nucleus of the family. What you are doing today is undoubtedly oozing all over your family and having a ripple affect onto every area of your life.
Don’t wait until the time seems perfect to pursue your spouse and intentionally invest in your relationship. The time will never be perfect unless you make it happen. You may be working diligently to cater to your kids, please your boss, and make the world happy but don’t neglect the most important things.
Your spouse is worth investing in and worthy of your undivided attention.
Challenge: Get out your planner. Set a date…or two or three. Plan for sex, talking, and dreaming out loud.
As far as the kids: Ask grandma to come over, take them to aunties house or do a ‘kid night swap’ with your friends and family. You just need someone that will keep your young people alive, not someone who will do everything you do, perfectly.
Marriage is the biggest investment you will ever make and only you can make it a priority.
