Mom. Yes, you. You are a big deal. You really are! With rare exception, at the core of all you do, your heart longs to love and serve your family well.
Not too long ago I was with a friend that is a genuine lover of her family. She works tirelessly to serve, love, and take care of all their needs. She gets up early, home schools, makes her husband and kids lunch, starts laundry, cleans the kitchen, vacuums, scrubs everything, wipes noses, changes diapers… You get it. I know you do. By the end of the day, she is tired. Not just normal, tired. She’s worn out, overwhelmed and exhausted.
I imagine your daily routine doesn’t look exactly like my friends, but I have no doubt it is filled with tasks that are unique and special to your family. Whether you are a stay at home mom or a mom that is balancing a job outside your home, we are fellow sojourners through this life.
You may not currently feel overwhelmed, burnt out or weary, but you are surrounded by plenty of moms who are.
Have you seen her? She loves serving her family and can’t imagine doing anything else, but her heart is heavy and her body is weak.
Can we just sit here for a minute? Breathe it in. Allow ourselves to fully appreciate the gift we are to our family. Moms are utterly breathtaking. You inspire me. Really, you do.
You’re absolutely needed!
As we sit here, mom-to-mom, imagine we are having coffee or tea. I want you to look up as we talk candidly. I really want you to hear me. I don’t want my words to feel harsh or rushed or insensitive. I want you to understand how much I see you. I see your tired, amazing self.
Hold out your hand. Okay, not really, but since we are sitting and drinking some coffee/tea imagine me sliding you a small sticker across our table. Go ahead. Peel the backing off it and slap that sticker right in the middle of your forehead. I’ll wait…
Out of Order
While it might feel utterly ridiculous to slap an ‘Out of Order’ sign on your forehead, do it. You get a free pass while we chat.
You, my friend are such a lover of your family undoubtedly there are times you feel like you are losing your mind.
Our marriages are dying, our mental health is suffering, our bodies are worn down and we are weary.
Between running our kids to practice, youth group, life group, friends house, mall, homework… we justify their inability to do chores or contribute to the family.
We are paying a high price to balance it all and do everything.
Why? Because we have lost the drive to say ‘NO!”
It is easier to do all the laundry at one time, take out the trash, cook every single meal, wash every dish.
It is easier to just do it yourself.
While it isn’t wrong, I have friends that still do their teenagers laundry, pour their 13-year-old a bowl of cereal in the morning, make their seventeen-year-old a lunch. Dinner is always prepared for the kids, not ‘with the kids.’ Beds are being made by mom and dad, rooms picked up while the kids are off at school.
After you have spent the last hour cooking dinner, you are quickly setting the dinner table. You cut your seven year olds food up into little pieces, serve everyone else’s plate and just when you are about to put that bite of food into your mouth… the seven-year-old wants seconds and the baby needs a bottle.
STOP the chaos!!!
This is when you just want everyone to go to bed and your day to end.
Right about now is when your teenager pops off with some remark and storms to their room only to discover later that they put you on blast for all the world to see via social media and text.
Do you see yourself riding on this never-ending train?
We are facing burnout and our marriages are failing because we have been unwilling to face parenting.
Now what?
I am going to be bold here. Get ready!
Before your kids turn ten they need to start doing their own laundry. No, they will not do it perfectly but they need to learn.
Your seven-year-old needs to be told to wait. Do not give them seconds until you have eaten or let them serve themselves.
Your baby that is screaming at the table needs to be taken to their bed while you sit and enjoy some family time.
School lunches. Let them make their own lunch. A five-year-old can make a messy sandwich and with little help can pack a great lunch.
Your kids MUST contribute to the family. They were not created to be served and you were not created to be their servant.
Kitchen chores are a great training area for so many things and every age can be involved. They must ‘learn’ where things go in the kitchen. Kids as young as five can do this. Yes, they can even put away the glass plates. Have your kids stack the dishes on the counter under the cabinet they go into. After the entire dishwasher is spread out across the counters, have your kiddo pull a chair up and begin to put the dishes from the counter into the cabinets.
Do not set the table tonight. If you cook the dinner… they can set the table. It won’t be perfect!
Be prepared….
You may even be called “mean!” (((Sigh, gasp, gulp))) Get over it!
Your responsibility is not to raise pampered children. Your responsibility is to train them to be productive adults.
I understand you love serving your family and it may not feel like a big deal to take care of these things, but it is.
If your teenager uses the phone you pay for to break the rules, view questionable media, say inappropriate things, be brave and parent your child. You do not need to provide extras if they are unwilling to submit to authority.
At some point in life they will have to obey someone. They will always be under someone else’s authority. Don’t you want them to learn in a healthy way what that looks like?
Of course, a home full of chores and void of anything else is not helpful either.
Give chores and tasks for your kids to complete and praise them as they go. They will not do it right all the time.
Tell them you are proud of them.
Say ‘thank you’ when they complete their chores.
Don’t let them go one day without hearing three words, “I Love You!”
Your effort today will allow you to begin to reclaim your sanity and slowly peel the sticker off your forehead. Think long term when it comes to your young people. They are growing and maturing every single day. You are the best person to equip them for life and you my friend are doing an exceptional job.
–Nicole
Girl I think you are RIGHT on the money! While I wish someone had told me these things many years ago – I did manage to accomplish a few of them.
My girls have been doing their own laundry since they were 9 (they got colored clothes baskets for their 9th bday)
Parents do need to remember they are in the parenting seat! –
Good JOB!!
Parenting is so much more than just being a friend, it is about making unpopular decisions when they need to be made. Laundry is such a huge chore and to take a little of the pressure off makes a huge difference. I love the laundry basket for the 9th birthday.
Thank you Nicole! This is something I have been praying about because I am struggling with this. Quite an answer to prayer!
Yessie- You are a capable and loving momma! You have all the tools you need. Share the responsibility with EVERYONE in the house. You will appreciate them more and your relationships will be healthier. It is a tough transition in the beginning, especially if they are used to you doing everything. But don't give up on making everyone be equal partners in your home.
Lord, right now I pray for my sister. Encourage her heart and speak tenderly to her doubt. Help her to teach her kids the truth of your love in a way that directs them to your heart. Give her courage when she is fearfully and give her boldness when she wants to back away. Thank you for Yessie! –Amen